Take a moment to calm yourself
Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal. – Arthur Schopenhauer
Humans can never avoid change. While some are welcoming, many may not. As we journey, we all tend to build our own comfort zone that helps define us. That may be the friends we mix with, our family or the partner we got used to.
And once in a blue moon, God will test us by throwing us off our comfort zone. This may come from death of a family member, lose of job or breakup.
While the change may hurt, and words may fail to explain the pain that comes with this change, at the end of the day, life is but a roller coaster. There is happiness, there is also pain, and no one can separate this fact of life.
I won’t claim that this journey is easy to make nor it can be done in a short period of time. However, the steps provided below will always be there for you when you’re ready to face the cold reality that is present in front of you.
How to begin anew
1. Facing reality
Facing reality can be very hard depending on the event that took place and how drastic the changes affect the individual.
It is no secret that men are habitual species. In a typical scenario where a person grew fond or used to a set of lifestyle, to drastically force a change can be very hard for him.
Usually the feeling of missing someone or the lifestyle we used to have is so strong, rational thinking may fail to work to our advantages.
Some may take days, some may take months, some may take years and some others will never recover and pass this stage.
While reminiscing over the past is normal, it is important to acknowledge that the past cannot be altered in any way. What’s done is done and what could be done have already been done.
2. Learn from past mistakes
Unfortunately, there is no U-turn in life. Blaming oneself changes nothing. Learning from past mistakes however improve us.
Possibly the worst anyone could do to himself was to put the blame on others. Hatred does not take away pain and suffering. Forgiveness however, does.
Playing the blaming game would also blind us from our own mistakes, and the chances are high that we are going to repeat the same mistakes again.
3. Be grateful for what’s left
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. – Mark Twain
As part of our quest to attain things we lust for and want, we all tend to take things we come to owned for granted. Be it the air we breathe, the family and friends that are always there for us, the roof that sheltered us and the clean water that supplied life to us and our loved ones. There are way too much gratitude we need to give every single day. While what’s lost cannot be recovered, what’s left should thus be cherished.
4. Recognized the two options available
“While pain might be inevitable,
the suffering that comes from the pain is not.
Suffering is not a state of life, it is a state of mind.
Suffering is your response to an event.
Whether you suffer or not depends
entirely on your reaction to that situation.”
~ Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)
Life should not be dictated by events that took place as we have no total control over it. It should thus be dictated by our reaction to these events, something we have absolute control over.
There is really just two ways one can go, either reacting negatively or positively to the present changes. Either way, events that have occurred will not change. What’s left is what we make of it.
5. Convert negative energy into positive energy
People resent changes. Most do. Without any strong reasons to change, we would often choose to keep ourselves in our comfort zone. Still, having said earlier, there are times when changes come out of nowhere and slap us in the face, forcing us to react to the new circumstances.
When you see a new chapter unfold, try to see it as an opportunity to walk out of your comfort zone. The negative emotions that are felt should be used as a motivation to start anew and make any changes necessary for the better.
6. Make a list of goals for the new chapter
Having the right mindset is a good start, but without any specific goals in mind, it’s hard to stay focused and distract yourselves from the pain. Goals should be as little as possible and addressed things that are high on your priority list. The list should be kept at a visible area where you could see as often as possible.
7. Live the new chapter
Often than not, I would reminisce over the past. While this is normal, I know this should be done as little as possible. To keep myself focused on the present, I would constantly remind myself that this is a new chapter. After all, life goes on, right?
For as long as separation is inevitable in life, so is the pain that comes along it. At many parts of the world at any second of the time, even as I am typing, there are kids that are grieving the loss of their parents.
You are not alone, we are never alone.
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I love the steps provided. It is clear, straight to the point and make sense. Nice post.
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The hardest part is to let go of the past and face the reality. If the first step cannot be done, can the rest still help?
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@cammyiman
Thanks for the comment. I hope it helps
@Miliko
I believe it will. However, it’s best to get the first part done as it its important. Without accepting the reality as it is, other steps may not be as useful. Take care Miliko
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This is a very useful post Karlil. Many times, people tend to forget that what’s important are things in front of them.
What’s gone is gone, what’s left should be cherished. Beautifully said.
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Glad you like it Marisa.
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Beautiful post. I loved reading your own story. Great steps, too.
Something that helps me a lot to deal with the pain of loss while embracing the new, is to stay close to the part of me that hurts with my own tenderness, while I keep on going about my life.
Doing that feels a little like being a parent and letting your kid who just got hurt stay close, while you keep doing the jobs of the day. It’s a powerful nonverbal message to the kid that things are really okay–life goes on and that’s good!
…the pained place in yourself can get that comforting message too, if you don’t cut it off.
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Hi Kye. Often than i like it, i run away from the pain. I try to occupy myself so i don’t think of it too much. However, as of late i have been trying to embrace the pain as it is. Reminiscing is normal. But embracing for me is still something new. But its calming to the mind knowing i don’t need to run from the pain anymore and instead keep it close to myself, just like you said.
Thanks for making it clear to me that this is yet another way to face reality and heal one self. I have no idea what i’m actually doing other than accepting things as it is.
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