“Those who can’t control their emotions are trash.”
“Awesome, where do I signed up?” I replied nonchalantly.
I read that sometime ago. Probably in some forum. Seeing how it was written, I suspect a troll behind the keyboard. Though harsh that it may be, the troll is probably right. Trash, befitting I suppose. I do feel like it at times.
At this point, I can’t recall the amount of times nervousness has rob my moments of glory. During presentations, during interviews, on my first date… If this sound familiar to you, please continue reading.
By the way, have you ever heard of Harry Houdini. You know, the famous escape artist with notable escape such as the Chinese Water Torture Cell. I’m a big fan of his.
Was it his escaping skills that got my admiration? Not quite. It’s more of his surreal calmness that got me. Let’s be honest, staying calm at brink of death? Hell no.
But for an escape artist, having emotions during a performance is a death sentence. In order to escape successfully, they need to stay in focus.
To better illustrate, imagine if you were thrown into a tank filled with water twice your height, with your hands cuffed and the only means of escape is the key left in your pocket, would you be able to save yourself from drowning? Unless you’re in this line of business, it’s highly unlikely.
On the other hand, assuming we have the same condition as above, only this time you know your breathe can last you a full 2 minutes and you reckon you can manage to escape in one, would you be able to pull it off? Most probably I assume.
Why is there a difference between the two?
Given that you are aware you have enough time to escape, you are more able to stay calm, so you make fewer mistakes and avoid making any unnecessary movements that could lengthen your escape duration.
At first glance, this skill does not seem relevant to many of us.
But the ability to stay calm is in fact crucial for our success and happiness. Granted, having handcuffed and drowned in a tank is not something we have to deal with everyday.
However, once in a blue moon, we do get thrust into a situation we don’t expect. And let’s not forget presentation, interviews, first date…
Unlike other creatures that roam the earth, men have tons of emotions that they can experience. And while these emotions are nice to embrace at times, there are many which will only hinder our true potential, given the wrong moments.
Therefore, learning the skill needed to stay calm when you need to is crucial.
Deep breathing
While it shouldn’t come as a surprise that feelings can cause a body reaction, what many fail to realize is that our body can also cause a change in how we feel. The thing is, it actually work both ways. I’m sure by now you realize that whenever you come across an article with the heading “calm”, there’s bound to be deep breathing somewhere in the article. That’s because deep breathing can actually help turn our heart rate back to its normal beats per minute (bpm). And once we do manage to lower our BPM rate, we’ll able to calm ourselves.
You don’t need, you want
Need is a word of desperation. And we all know, desperate is no good when it comes to calm the heck down. The truth is, you never need anything, you only have want. And in order to get what you want, you must first calm down so you can focus on what needs to be done.
Confidence, have some
The thing with confidence, it doesn’t come from thin air. It’s a genuine feeling that you have what it takes to pull off an awesome performance. Yes, it comes from gruesome work and practice one put forth before the day of reckoning. So, whatever it is you are facing, if you are expecting it beforehand, always come fully prepared. And once you do, emotions are unlikely to get in the way.
I don’t care
But of course, there are times when unexpected events call for your immediate attention. Without any practice beforehand, the only way to stay calm is to just do what you have to do, and leave the rest to God, or whatever it is you believe in.
Blank state of mind
I realize my brain hardly stop thinking. During shower, typing, walking, it is always full of thoughts, pleasant or otherwise. That’s bad. In order to stay in the present, the ideal state of mind should be blank. At least that’s what I think. Therefore, for the past few days, I have started meditating for 5 minutes everyday. It’s not easy for me but it’s going to be worth the effort. I have a theory that if I’m able to keep my mind blank whenever I want to with ease, I can get rid of any unnecessary feelings in a blink of an eye. Now that is pure awesome.
Wrap up
The troll is right. What’s your opinion?
Photo Credit: Vincepal
{ 6 trackbacks }
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Nik, it’s actually not a blank mind that puts you in the moment. The ideal state is one of an curious observer or witness. The best example I can think of is when you dream. You know how you can be observing yourself in a dream, and yet you are still fully involved. A blank mind disengages us from life, which actually takes us out of the moment. A mindset of “curious observer” keeps us engaged, but without judgments of preconceived notions.
Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..How Your Beliefs Create Your Reality part 4
[Reply]
Karlil Reply:
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:10 pm
I understand your point of view Jonathan. I think you misunderstood my notion of a blank mind. I was referring to that of an empty cup and the present moment being water. Only with a blank state of mind can we be able to fully absorb our surroundings, or present moment. We are absolutely on the same page Jon. It’s my fault for not explaining it more in the article.
[Reply]
it may sound cheesy but when I need to be focused and calm I keep telling myself “cool, calm and collected”, over and over. It seems to do the trick
Anthony Feint´s last blog ..New: Create Reminders with a Text Message
[Reply]
Karlil Reply:
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Now that is a good way to remind yourself Anthony. I do the same as well. But that’s only because I already know how to stay calm. For those who find it hard to stay calm, they are better of the techniques. At least that’s what I think.
[Reply]
Hey Karlil,
I’m also fascinated by calmness. People usually say I’m very calm. It’s part that, part my ability to hide my real emotions and seem like nothing can budge me. Over time, it became more and more the real thing, the actual ability to not take things seriously and think myself to calmness. I find it to be a very useful trait.
Eduard
Ideas With A Kick´s last blog ..Forget achieving life balance and try this instead
[Reply]
Karlil Reply:
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:01 pm
I can’t agree more Eduard. I see it as a crucial trait. If you can’t stay calm, you won’t be able to think straight, which often only lead to more disaster.
[Reply]
Karlil,
I agree that the ability to stay calm is crucial in doing all sorts of activities from giving a speech to playing tennis and almost anything else. And confidence is absolutely the key, Generally, it comes from prior experience or practice, so that confidence begets more confidence which begets even more confidence.
Do you think it also works the other way? If you can’t stay calm in a certain situation, what will happen the next time you’re in that sitation (or a similar one)? I think it could be sheer, incapacitating panic.
[Reply]
I can’t say for others Madelaine, but for me personally, generally over time, once I get used to a particular situation, things only get easier. Say, giving presentation for example. I’m less nervous these days.
[Reply]
Behind all those fantastic escapes there’s a huge effort in training and improvement. So, my approach is to do stuff as often as you can and fail, if you don’t know how to do it, until you learn. This apply to almost every part of my life. Just be there, fail, if you can’t do it right, but come back on your feet again.
[Reply]
I say those who can not control their emotions are not trash, but they are lost. They have control within them, they do need to learn to take it, but than again, it is not my place to judge another’s jouney, I don’t know what their journey is about.
Justin Dixon- AlittleBetter.net´s last blog ..Why Its Time to Let Go of Your Expectations
[Reply]
Hi Nik, I love that you used Houdini in this article. I fell in love with his story when I was a kid and I’ve read his biographies.
Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s last blog ..Are Your Thoughts Helpful?
[Reply]