I want, I want, I want.
But not everyone gives. While some will always get more than they bargain for, others may not be so lucky clever to go about doing it. Now you may say, “Sometimes, it’s the timing Karlil.” True, but though that may be the case, it is still comparatively small to the overall influence you have over the decision making made. In short, you messed up.
While this is not a How-to Persuade article (maybe soon), it’s the very basic where all persuasion skills are wrapped around and based upon. Use this to get the most out of your life.
1.Give them what they want first – Before you ask for something, consider giving first.
- Want more love from others? Love others more first
- Want to smile more often? Give more smile everyday
- Want to be happier? Make more people happy
- Want more money? Give more money to the less fortunate
The world works in a weird way, in a sense that what goes around comes around. There’s no science to it, but there is some common sense to it.
2. Ask and you shall receive – No brainer, right? And yet most people expect things to come to them without asking for it. The word “expect” has probably caused many arguments with your partner. I know it has for me. Don’t expect, ask instead. It’s not wrong to make the first move. As a matter of fact, it’s a smart thing to do. At least you have more control over your destiny.
3. Negotiate (What’s in it for them) – Negotiation is all about finding and making a win-win situation where both parties get what they want out of the deal. The key is to be clever in doing the bargaining.
4. Threat – As bad as it may sound, believe it or not, we use it all the time. Withdrawal of love anyone? Ok, so here’s the deal. This is by far the most powerful way to get what you want, assuming you have something to leverage on. Please use it sparingly though as it may backfire. I usually don’t recommend it but that would only make me a hypocrite. I’m guilty as charged.
5. Lie and deceit - This is bad and I don’t recommend it, so I’m not going to talk about it. The only reason it’s here is because it’s still one of the ways one can go about getting what he wants and desire.
Wrap up
Every time you want something, always come back to these 4 basics (not including lie and deceit). Ask these questions:
1. Have I given today?
2. How am I going to ask for it?
3. What’s in it for him?
4. What can I give in return?
5. Do i have anything to leverage on? (I don’t recommend it…)
Happy reciprocity. In case there’s anything missing in this list, you can share it in the comment section. Suggestions and feedback are always welcome.
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Yes! Giving to others is the best you can do, and giving to others things the would pay for is even better.
Oscar – freestyle mind´s last blog ..Response To Modern-Day Nazis
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You got that right Oscar. Have you added me in twitter bro?
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So true! The first point is often forgotten. we live in a me-first society.
But you are right, the people who are most successful, are those who helped others the most.
Great post!
Kaizan´s last blog ..If You’re Busy, Is it OK to Cut Back on Sleep and Exercise?
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I’m glad we share the same viewpoint Kaizan. Give, give and continue giving. I wish more people adopt that way of thinking. It is for their own benefit after all, if only they know.
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“The art of war, is the art of deception”– Sun Tzu
Lies are an act of war. Use only when war is appropriate.
JS Dixon´s last blog ..Are Your Goals Worth 5 Minutes a Day?
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Don’t go telling lies now JS ;p
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The first point hit the bullseye. Everyone seem to be wanting more but refuse to give in return. That’s so wrong. What happen to win-win!
Great post Karlil
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Some great points. I think we too often focus on what we want. Usually, when I offer something first, the chances I get something in return are greater.
Good Points made….
Dave
LifeExcursion
Dave – LifeExcursion´s last blog ..Book Review: Automatic Millionaire
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Some very great points here Karlil.
I really like point #2 because asking is the key.. One of my favorite books on the law of attraction is titled “Ask and it is Given”… a lot of people are just scared to ask.
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@cam
Can’t agree more cam. Win-win mentality makes a good negotiator.
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@Dave
True. but the best way of doing it is to not expect anything in return Dave. Expectations will only hurt you in the long run.
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I used to be the type who waits for things to happen as well Jai Kai. I reckon if i do a good job, it’ll get my rewards nonetheless.
But truth be told, you are almost always better off asking. Now that i know better…
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Hi Karlil,
Giving first is always key, but wanting no reciprocity in return is harder. When we don’t want anything, I find that is when we actually receive in full. You might like my article called, “The Give and Take Principle”. Nice to stumble upon this post.
Naz´s last blog ..50 (Not So) Random Acts of Kindness
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Actually i got what i need out of the act of kindness Naz
Btw, love the list you got there.
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Great post! The first rule reminds me of “having abundance” to get abundance. Eckhart Tolle talked about this in his book. I guess great minds do think alike!
Nazim´s last blog ..Reversing Bad Days
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I wished i read his book Nazim. Mind to tell me the title of the book?
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I think that most people underestimate the power of asking. For some reason most of us think that everybody knows and understands what we want and need. We expect our relatives, friends and colleagues to be mind readers and we get so frustrated when they don’t give us what we want. Miscommunication is the worst thing that can happen in any type of relationship (family, business, friends) and that might lead to serious problems.
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Terrific article. I think it’s particularly important because most people can be persuaded with two levers: desire and fear. Look at anyone in a position of authority and you’ll see what I mean.
Tim | Inspiration Central´s last blog ..Earl Nightingale’s “The Strangest Secret”—30 Best Quotes and Video
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Ha.. ha.. Lie and deceit is not that bad. We employ it most of the time. I’ts badness depends on the degree. We make deceit with a smile, handshake, soothing words, kind comments.
Still, I agree with what you’ve stated above.
Walter´s last blog ..How to catch a reader’s attention
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@Anastasiya
I can’t agree more anastasiya. It certainly has for me.
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@Tim
I know exactly what you mean Tim. That’s how the world work. There’s no changing that unfortunately.
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@Walter
I don’t make good comments i don’t meant walter. well at least most of the time ;p
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Excellent post and I love the way you ahve broken it down into 5 points.
Also, a key part of getting what you want is to be open to receiving!
Afer all, if we were all just giving and giving, who will do the receiving?!
I am world class at giving, but have not always been open to receiving. The moment I changed that, I had a flood of people wanting to help and support me!
The trick is to know and accept that you are worth it and it is okay for others to give to you. It is not a sign of weakness to be seen to be wanting something.
Arvind Devalia´s last blog ..If You are What you Eat, Why do You still Crave Chocolate?
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Yep that is certainly true. Sometimes you have to ask for it. But I have faith that people are generally nice. If you are nice to them, often than not they will be nice to you in return.
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