So you want to live free?

They say life is like a roller coaster ride. Sometimes you’re high up above, sometimes you get thrust down below. Well, the good news is, down below is not as bad as it sound.

Quitting an addictive relationship or grieving over death are all something we have to face, at some point in time. And in case you are wondering, I do have experience in both.

You get your happy times, and you get your not-so-happy times. Fair enough, right?

But here’s the bad news. Most of us have the tendency to dramatize our given situation, myself included. You can tell when the sob story keeps repeating itself in your mind.

For as long as I remember, I dislike comforting words. From the way I see it, I don’t need pity from others, even though they meant well. So instead of trying to provide emotional strength, I want to share with you a technique that I often use to letting go my past. I call it, point zero.

Point zero

If you pay attention to your surrounding, what do you see? Your computer, your bed maybe, some files on the desk. That is your reality. In short, your present is your reality. Not the past, not the future.

Taking this theory further, I’m going to say that the past is nothing but an illusion. A made up story that cannot be proven except for the tiny bits of pieces of memory left of what had happened, or at least happened according to your point of view.

And while I’m at it, I’m going to neglect the fact that your past action can adversely affect your present and future because whatever has happened cannot be undone regardless.

Which brings me to point 0.

When I see life, I see a time line of events. Putting this into perspective, at any point of time, your present should be at zero time line. Zero is your starting point. You can be 20 or 40 years old for that matter. But at any point you decide to press that reset button (which is located in your mind btw), you’ll jump back to the starting point.

At this point, your past is erased. What you have in front of you is what you can use to start over with. It can be your house, your car, your loving husband, your comforting friends, some money in the bank, a degree.

And all that, in return of your youth. Some start with less, and some others more. Just remember that you’re missing the point if you start comparing.

If my past had thought me anything, it would  be, nothing ever built to last. Everything that we come to have and cherish will leave us at some point of time. And since what you have now is not guaranteed to be available tomorrow, do cherish it while it last.

“Those who can’t control their emotions are trash.”

“Awesome, where do I signed up?” I replied nonchalantly.

I read that sometime ago. Probably in some forum. Seeing how it was written, I suspect a troll behind the keyboard. Though harsh that it may be, the troll is probably right. Trash, befitting I suppose. I do feel like it at times.

At this point, I can’t recall the amount of times nervousness has rob my moments of glory. During presentations, during interviews, on my first date… If this sound familiar to you, please continue reading.

By the way, have you ever heard of Harry Houdini. You know, the famous escape artist with notable escape such as the Chinese Water Torture Cell. I’m a big fan of his.

Was it his escaping skills that got my admiration? Not quite. It’s more of his surreal calmness that got me. Let’s be honest, staying calm at brink of death? Hell no.

But for an escape artist, having emotions during a performance is a death sentence. In order to escape successfully, they need to stay in focus.

To better illustrate, imagine if you were thrown into a tank filled with water twice your height, with your hands cuffed and the only means of escape is the key left in your pocket, would you be able to save yourself from drowning? Unless you’re in this line of business, it’s highly unlikely.

On the other hand, assuming we have the same condition as above, only this time you know your breathe can last you a full 2 minutes and you reckon you can manage to escape in one, would you be able to pull it off? Most probably I assume.

Why is there a difference between the two?

Given that you are aware you have enough time to escape, you are more able to stay calm, so you make fewer mistakes and avoid making any unnecessary movements that could lengthen your escape duration.

At first glance, this skill does not seem relevant to many of us.

But the ability to stay calm is in fact crucial for our success and happiness. Granted, having handcuffed and drowned in a tank is not something we have to deal with everyday.

However, once in a blue moon, we do get thrust into a situation we don’t expect. And let’s not forget presentation, interviews, first date…

Unlike other creatures that roam the earth, men have tons of emotions that they can experience. And while these emotions are nice to embrace at times, there are many which will only hinder our true potential, given the wrong moments.

Therefore, learning the skill needed to stay calm when you need to is crucial.

Deep breathing

While it shouldn’t come as a surprise that feelings can cause a body reaction, what many fail to realize is that our body can also cause a change in how we feel. The thing is, it actually work both ways. I’m sure by now you realize that whenever you come across an article with the heading “calm”, there’s bound to be deep breathing somewhere in the article. That’s because deep breathing can actually help turn our heart rate back to its normal beats per minute (bpm). And once we do manage to lower our BPM rate, we’ll able to calm ourselves.

You don’t need, you want

Need is a word of desperation. And we all know, desperate is no good when it comes to calm the heck down. The truth is, you never need anything, you only have want. And in order to get what you want, you must first calm down so you can focus on what needs to be done.

Confidence, have some

The thing with confidence, it doesn’t come from thin air. It’s a genuine feeling that you have what it takes to pull off an awesome performance. Yes, it comes from gruesome work and practice one put forth before the day of reckoning. So, whatever it is you are facing, if you are expecting it beforehand, always come fully prepared. And once you do, emotions are unlikely to get in the way.

I don’t care

But of course, there are times when unexpected events call for your immediate attention. Without any practice beforehand, the only way to stay calm is to just do what you have to do, and leave the rest to God, or whatever it is you believe in.

Blank state of mind

I realize my brain hardly stop thinking. During shower, typing, walking, it is always full of thoughts, pleasant or otherwise. That’s bad. In order to stay in the present, the ideal state of mind should be blank. At least that’s what I think. Therefore, for the past few days, I have started meditating for 5 minutes everyday. It’s not easy for me but it’s going to be worth the effort. I have a theory that if I’m able to keep my mind blank whenever I want to with ease, I can get rid of any unnecessary feelings in a blink of an eye. Now that is pure awesome.

Wrap up

The troll is right. What’s your opinion?

Author’s Note: These commandments are inspired by a great many, notably Theodore Roosevelt and Bruce Lee. A great man among men, an inspiration to many. Enjoy.

The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive. - Albert Einstein

Back in my early teens, I used to look up to kungfu actors in movies (still am actually). Bruce Lee, Jet Li and Jackie Chan being my favorites. They look so cool. Was it the kick? Was it the punch? Or the fact they owned just about everyone?

Maybe.

But if you really think about it, the same couldn’t be said for the bad guys. In every movie, there’s always a strong bad guy appearing near the end of the two hours. I call him the final boss.

This guy usually has some sick moves that have the audience in awe. Yet, most of us don’t cheer for them.

Why?

Because deep down, I believe we all look up to someone who is righteous. Someone who fights to protect their loved ones and their honor.

This realization had me come into a conclusion.

A man is not born, he is made. It’s a title that is earned. A real man does not need to be educated, nor does he need to have great abs (though that would be a big plus).

A real man needs only two three things. A big heart and balls of steel.

1. Real men are faithful – Because anything more than one is just troublesome.

2. Real men admit their mistakes – Like a man.

3. Real men let their actions do the talking – Do more, talk less.

4. Real men make hard decisions - If your decision is going to hurt the feeling of others, so be it.

5. Real men are dependable – Be on time. Be there. Keep your word.

A man who won’t die for something is not fit to live. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

6. Real men protect their loved ones – Momma jokes are not going to end pretty.

7. Real men stand up to their beliefs- Religion mocking will be greeted with headbutt to the face.

8. Real men do not hesitate to resort to violence – Because desperate DESPERATE times call for desperate measures.

9. Real men exercise – Because you never know when you need that extra strength.

10. Real men dares to dream – And work hard in reaching it.

11. Real men hate to lose – Because a real man always strives to win. Don’t be a sore loser though. It’s unmanly.

12. Real men are adventurous – Because life is too short to be a wimp.

13. Real men forgive – And forget. But make sure you keep the list.

14. Real men can take a beating – Literally or otherwise.

15. Real men face problems – With their heads held high.

16. Real men care less – Because caring too much is troublesome.

17. Real men take responsible – For their actions.

18. Real men don’t raise their hands to women – Because a real man is a women lover.

19. Real men don’t make empty promises – Because it is unmanly.

20. Real men make their women happy – Because a real man live for their women (mom, sister, spouse).

Real living is living for others. - Bruce Lee

Have anything to add? I would love to hear your opinions.

Author’s note: This is the second post in my 10 Personal Commandments series, the previous one being Fight.

Recently, after spending some time being single (3 months) and counting, I have been actively participating in all kinds of sporting activities. What I have come to learn during this period of loneliness, is that being single is actually not that bad.

But here’s the deal. You need to have a hobby to pass some time. Well, you can always work during your free time, though I don’t recommend it. After all, you can’t work all day now can you? So, my recommendation is for you to get at least 2 hobbies.

This is because hobbies can be categories into 2. One which requires having at least a partner and one which you can do by yourself. Being reclusive is bad. And so is being dependent on others. Here’s some to consider plus their benefits.

1. Hobbies that improve your mind – Chess and any mind game really.

2. Hobbies that profit – Writing, blogging, reading and learning new skills (language, etc). Since you are going to waste your time, might as well you make full use of it.

3. Hobbies that make you healthy – Jogging and swimming immediately came to mind. To be fair, any outdoor sporting activities are healthy, though the benefits may vary.

4. Hobbies that make you look cool – Golf and tennis are certainly up there. I tried tennis before but just can’t seem to grasp the game. Well, golf as well on the driving range. Though being a lefty holding club meant for right hander at a mere age of 12, I’m not even sure if that counts.

5. Hobbies that calm you down – Gardening, yoga and Taichi may be boring for some, but for those who are constantly stressed out, this is your best bet.

6. Hobbies that help you get that contract signed – Golf, hands down.

7. Hobbies that waste your money – Gambling, in which I have a confession to make. Usually during early of every month,  I would gamble my money on snooker. I don’t suck at the game, though my friends are better than I do. You could see where this is going so I’ll leave it at that. This addiction of mine has been going on since I came back to Malaysia in early January. Coming from a gambler, heed my advice, don’t gamble. No matter how good you think you are, others will always be better than you. The house will always win in the end of the day.

So depending on your priorities, you might pick a hobby that is healthy and one that helps you profit. I have too many so it doesn’t really matter for me. Have fun!

Photo Credit: Vramak

Although we all most of us have friends (family members don’t count), and while they are great to have, they can’t always be there for us. If you could recall those moments when you were bored out of your mind, you would know what I mean. And as we age, things only seem to get worse.

I used to place importance on having companies for an outing. And if I don’t have one, no matter how reluctant I am staying at home, that’s what I’ll do. During my studying overseas however, enjoying a day out can be as easy as getting dressed, grab my Ipod and get to the bus station. The best part is, I don’t have to plan beforehand, or make any phone calls.

As you may know, being dependent on others are never a good thing. Especially so when we don’t have to in the first place. In part, I think we are too accustomed to having a partner in public places. The thought of being alone can be very frightening to some.

Take my example. I enjoy watching movies by myself. On a good Sunday, I’ll drive my way to the cinema, get a ticket, get lunch, stop by at the bookstore if time permit, and get into the cinema. I usually get coffee on my way home.

Other times, I’ll grab a book or my laptop and head to my favorite coffee shop. The feeling of being free from having dependent on my friends is great. And frankly speaking, I’m quite addicted to it.

Give it a try, if you haven’t already. It’s a totally different experience than going out with friends. If I were to best describe the feeling, it is as though a chain has been taken off me.

Photo Credit: Isado