Although we all most of us have friends (family members don’t count), and while they are great to have, they can’t always be there for us. If you could recall those moments when you were bored out of your mind, you would know what I mean. And as we age, things only seem to get worse.
I used to place importance on having companies for an outing. And if I don’t have one, no matter how reluctant I am staying at home, that’s what I’ll do. During my studying overseas however, enjoying a day out can be as easy as getting dressed, grab my Ipod and get to the bus station. The best part is, I don’t have to plan beforehand, or make any phone calls.
As you may know, being dependent on others are never a good thing. Especially so when we don’t have to in the first place. In part, I think we are too accustomed to having a partner in public places. The thought of being alone can be very frightening to some.
Take my example. I enjoy watching movies by myself. On a good Sunday, I’ll drive my way to the cinema, get a ticket, get lunch, stop by at the bookstore if time permit, and get into the cinema. I usually get coffee on my way home.
Other times, I’ll grab a book or my laptop and head to my favorite coffee shop. The feeling of being free from having dependent on my friends is great. And frankly speaking, I’m quite addicted to it.
Give it a try, if you haven’t already. It’s a totally different experience than going out with friends. If I were to best describe the feeling, it is as though a chain has been taken off me.
Photo Credit: Isado
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Being able to spend time by yourself and enjoy it is an important like skill. If you can’t do this, maybe you’re just reaaaally sociable, but probably you’re not very comfortable with yourself and you don’t know yourself very well.
I think taking yourself on a date is a nice idea to try: go to a nice restaurant, order some good whine, drink slowly, notice the scenery, think about your goals, your strengths etc.
Ideas With A Kick´s last blog ..Self-improvement is masturbation
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Enjoying scenery is calming and certainly recommended. Add a book and a beautiful weather, you get an awesome day. Thanks for the comment.
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Alone time is important Nik, we can’t really be our self, until we get to know our self.
Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..Maintaining Your Youthful Enthusiasm At Any Age
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That is true Jon. Knowing ourselves is an important skill. So is knowing how to spend time outdoor alone. Thanks for the comment.
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I am getting more and more used to my own company. I hope it’s a sign of maturity and not that I’m becoming reclusive.
Gordie | LifestyleDesign For You.´s last blog ..Forgiveness Is Selfish.
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Karlil Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Haha. Better hope that’s not the case Gordie. You got to make that call if you keep this up ;p
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Cute post. I never thought of calling solo outings dates with myself but I do think it’s a good mindshift.
LPC´s last blog ..What Is It About Little Black Dresses?
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Karlil Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Thanks for the comment Lisa. I always thought that’s the case as well though until I came across such term in other personal development blogs.
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This is so true. I absolutely love spending time by myself. I wasn’t always this way, but these days I enjoy doing almost anything alone. I go alone to the movies, shopping, bookstores, coffee shops, museums, and even restaurants. I notice every blooming flower or colorful butterfly when I’m walking around without the distraction of conversation with someone else.
I can’t remember who said this quote, but I’m going to use it….You can never be lonely when you like the person you’re alone with.
Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..Why You Shouldn’t Keep It Real: A Lesson on Unrealistic Living
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Karlil Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Wow, I absolutely love that quote Nea. It’s too bad you can’t remember the wise man behind it. I would love to check out his other quotes.
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I am variable and adaptable like most people are. In most cases, I am happier being on my own than with others, however, on some occasions I enjoy being with friends and meeting new people. Overall on most occasions I am comfortable being alone because social engagement drains me, while alone time gives me an energy boost.
timethief´s last blog ..A Lovely Award
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Karlil Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 9:29 pm
The same goes for me Time. Though I do recognize the importance of socializing, and keeping in touch with my friends. So, I try to keep a balance whenever possible.
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Hi Nik,
Thanks for reminding me, I need to return that movie!
Lots of other things to do to get away from the chaos: a jog, a massage, a warm bath, walk in the park, sit down and draw, write…
But drinks with friends is great too, it’s all about balance!
Charles – Creative Lab´s last blog ..Karate Sparring Video
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Karlil Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Absolutely Charles. I heard French people place high importance on dining and spending quality time during dinner to bond with friends and family.
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Hi Nik, I couldn’t cope if i wasn’t able to spend time on my own every day. I usually get to do it at lunch time and at night when i am writing. You are spot on, I think time alone is needed.
Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..Real Change – Should It Feel This Uncomfortable?
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Karlil Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 9:32 pm
That is certainly the case. Thanks for the comment Steven.
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Another point of this is that every great leader in history has made a regular habit of spending some time with just themselves. It lets you clarify your ideas, and as you said learn to be more comfortable in your own shoes.
Justin- AlittleBetter.net´s last blog ..Never Feel Like a Loser Again
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That’s true. You can never have enough of time alone. Thanks for the comment Justin.
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I absolutely agree, I’ve actually been going on dates with myself for a very long time now, I find it very relaxing and it aids in clearing my mind. And there is nothing better than getting dressed and going where ever your car or the bus takes ya, sometimes I go out of town by myself, its just an indescribable freedom that takes over my mind body and soul =)
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Karlil Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 3:02 am
That is exactly how I feel Sharlene To best describe it in a word, I feel liberated. Thanks for the comment.
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Hey Karlil, what’s up man? I agree that sometimes it’s good to spend time with yourself alone.
Unlike you, I’ve never went to a cinema and watched by myself. I know nobody would notices but for me, that feels a little bit weird – not to say there’s anything wrong with it but I’ve just had that feeling e.g. eating at the cafeteria by myself.
However, I do enjoy sipping on some coffee shop and reading a book or typing on your laptop. It’s a great good feeling not to be always dependent on your friends just to do hang out. In fact, I’d rather be alone during these types of places rather than have friends interrupt me.
Tristan Lee´s last blog ..50 Random Moments to Value in Life
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That’s too bad Tristan. It’s actually fun. Besides, you don’t really need friends to catch a movie. Well, if it’s your girlfriend, I would understand, but friends… not so much. It’s not convenient to talk in the theater, after all.
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yeah, I do it sometimes. It reminds me of this quote:
“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; … if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.” [Schopenhauer, "The World as Will and Idea," 1818]
I moved to Tucson, AZ for a short period of time because my cousin was diagnosed with cancer and I helped out her and her family. I had no friends or other family there, so I did a lot of things by myself and I learned to understand myself on a different level. It was relieving and invigorating! I meditated more and had time to find myself. That migration completely changed me!
taney´s last blog ..Positive Change
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Karlil Reply:
October 24th, 2009 at 4:33 am
This is exactly what happened to me Taney. I went studying overseas by my own without any friends or family to look after me. So, during the period of time (1 year) that I was there, I started to learn how to be independent. I don’t really have any other option. Though along the way, I made friends. But because I was staying in an apartment somewhere far off from them, I pretty much went solo most of the time.
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I agree completely that going off and doing things alone feels like a barrier to life experiences has been removed. I feel that as an adult if I want to go do something and no one else can or wants to do it with me I should be mature enough to just go do it on my own. This involves bushwalks, rock climbing, just going into the city for a day out and even going away to my isolated property for a week.
If we let other people determine what we can and can’t do, how free are we?
Stephen
Stephen´s last blog ..Balanced Existence Joins Forces with the OpenSky Project
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Karlil Reply:
October 24th, 2009 at 4:26 am
You are absolutely right Stephen. In fact, I have the very same opinion as you do. We are all adults. We don’t always need company. Thanks for the comment. It’s always great to know when there’s someone else out there who feel the same way as I do.
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I tend to go to the opposite extreme of most folks. Going to movies or concerts by myself means I sit or stand where I want, and don’t have to worry about whether anybody else is having a good time. Biking or walking by myself, I set the pace, decide how far I want to go, turn around and go home when I want. Living alone, I have all the privacy I want, and my free time is my own. On the other hand, it gets kinda lonely sometimes…
YogaforCynics´s last blog ..The Only Kind of Spirituality I Have Any Interest In…
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It sure does Yoga. Which is why, even though I do recommend some solo outing, that is only to the extent of having it as an option, instead of always relying on others to go out and have fun. But having said that, it is also important to make time for outing with friends.
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